If you'd have asked me about 'wellness' two years ago I would have thought it was to do with making sure I popped a vitamin every few days and avoided catching winter colds. So absolutely, wellness for me meant not ill. However much has changed over the past two years and now I see, as is often the way, that genuine wellness has more meaning. It is the absence of illness or disease of course, but it is so much more than that.
I have had this little life journey you see, where I have stood on the edge of the pool of wellness and saw that I could jump in and swim there, but some things were, and frankly still are, prohibiting me. For a long time I knew I was too busy, had too little time, was pushing myself too hard. Not so much with physical demands but mainly with mental demands. I was holding down a fairly senior corporate job in a large company, I had two young children (I still do, but they don't seem quite so young anymore!), a busy social life, my husband worked every hour God sent (still does; I guess I'm more used to it now). I went from being a pensive, flighty 25 year old girl, to being a 30 year old married, working mother of two with more responsibility than I knew what to do with. And it was from there that my wellness started to fall out of my reach.
What I mean is wellness in myself; being in a sound place mentally but also vitally. I was no longer vital. I was wired and over-worked. Tired and resentful (there, I said it; this is the biggest secret held by working mothers; the resentment that you have to do it all on your own). Wellness became like the elixir of life to me - I would seek it endlessly but was oblivious to the fact that I would never achieve it, living the way I did. I would read articles and devour life plans, diets, goals: top 5 tips to stay healthy. Top 5 tips to stay sane. Top 5 tips to get through your 'to do' list. I became faddish and slavish in my pursuit of wellness, although the thing itself alluded me. And the oddity is: I never knew how much until now.
What eventually gave me wellness? I had to stop. It was as simple as that. A raft of other things conspired in a way that begrudgingly but categorically told me, through my body and its complete lack of wellness, that I needed to stop. Halt. Cease. Pause.
And so I did.
And so what does wellness mean to me now?
It means waking up and not panicking about what I have on that day or which child is going where or whether I will be late. It means feeling comfortable in my skin in a way that can only come from slowing down. It means working through any anguish I have about life gradually and deliberately - rather than using stolen moments, when driving my car, to address life's biggest challenges. It means planning and thinking carefully about what I do with my time. It means taking a moment every day to just breathe. It means cooking from scratch and actually tasting the food. It means taking more care of my body, using and strengthening my muscles. But most of all it has meant that I have stopped taking tomorrow for granted. Tomorrow will arrive, but it might not look the way I thought it would. Being able to flex my whole attitude to life has given me wellness.
And whilst wellness, a bit like happiness, is unlikely to be a constant state; it no longer seems so out of my reach. I have a much better chance of swimming in that pool now, instead of just standing on the side wondering why I can't even get my toes wet!
Louise writes the blog Lou, Boos and Shoes....
Louise writes the blog Lou, Boos and Shoes....
