Hello again....hello :)

hello my little blog, i have missed you :)

it's only been a few weeks but that's long enough....and now i think i am ready to come back....

i took a break because i was juggling way too much, top of the list being trying to find a nursing home place for my Dad.

thankfully, a place was found and he moved in just a few days ago...it's early days but he appears to be settling well - and it's a hundred times better than seeing him in a hospital environment.

there is still a large part of me that just feels unbearably sad at seeing him shuffle along the corridor to his new bedroom, at the thought that this is his new (and final) home and, most of all, that his bright, inquisitive and sharp mind is so confused.

he is only in his 60s, many of his fellow residents are 20 years or more older....he seems like a square peg in a round hole in the home.

or maybe that's just partly because he's My Dad and it's a situation I can only accept whilst never really getting used to it.

i find myself in a situation that I don't want to be in one little bit. but i have no choice.

part of my Dad is lost forever, that much I do know....

but i continually focus on being positive, I have to....

i am thankful every day that at least he has no pain and that he is being cared for by lovely people.

i am also SO thankful that he is still able to talk to us....

last week during my visit, he talked non-stop, sharing all kinds of stories.

i am not sure he knows it's me, it may be that he thinks i am someone he knows but he's just not quite sure who - but i am okay with that.

he must have some sense of who i am, even in the tiniest sense, and he is quite happy talking about his life if you gently guide him in the right direction.

when i left him last week, i was smiling.

it's a very strange thing.....i spent a morning with him last week where he talked with incredible clarity (and accuracy) about his University days - whilst continuing to ask me what he should buy for his grandchildren for Christmas next week....

i am usually the first one to say that if you are feeling a certain way, you should just deal with it - but actually right now, i can only bury my sadness, place it in a box and put it away on a shelf.

i have been distracted with many practical issues relating to my Dad's care, and i still am, but in a way that has helped because it has meant i can accomplish something, get things done, be helpful....

i must say a huge thank you to everyone who has read my blog recently and has offered support, concern, kind words and who has emailed me.

i share some personal stuff on my blog but tend to focus more on things that i love and find inspiring - style, fashion, beauty etc.....

this was too big not to share though and i thank you for bearing with me.

looking forward to catching up ASAP, it's good to be back....life goes on :)